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September 15th, 2005
11:28 am
Kelly and I talked. All seems to be better now. I guess the real test will be when his brother comes back down here. The brother who might I add said I was insecure about myself, and not to my face, but I wont get into that. I do like the guy.
I just spent the last 3 days without money and/or food. Being a server in slow season sucks. So Kelly and I found ourselves yesterday cashing out all our coins ($39.91) so we could go eat something and go wake boarding. Very "Blue Crush". Has anyone seen that movie?
But I guess I'll go home now so I can go home and wash my uniform. Maybe I'll make enough today for gas and food.
Current Mood:  sick
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September 14th, 2005
02:25 am
As much as might tell myself, and all of you, that I'm gonna write more often, it never happens. So I wont start this entry with that.
No internet connection at home, nothing I can do. And I refuse to pay 20 cents a minute at kinkos because the bastards refuse to finish their refurbish of the store and put the stupid laptop hookups.
So now I'm at Kellys (my boyfriend) and I cant sleep. Of course hes sound asleep (and snoring for that matter) and doesn't give a shit.
Part of the reason I can't sleep is him. Cause I'm too depressed and scared of getting hurt, I over think things and consequently worry too much. I found myself the best guy I've ever had. I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me. But typical white boy after he enters the comfort zone doesn't feel the need to show love and affection. No matter how many times he tells me that he loves me or how many Coach purses he might buy me (so far the count is 2 because he works there and gets wonderful discount), actions speak louder than words. I might sound like a spoiled brat because I am not being grateful that he bought that for me but you know what? I am not materialistic. I don't need expensive things for you to show that you care. Don't get me wrong, I love my purses to death and they are my babies cause I've never have anything like that. I am very grateful and he knows it. But I just want love more than anything.
I want to feel important. And I don't. I know I am, but I don't feel it. Does that make sense?
His brother is in town. He came last wednesday and got dumped by his boyfriend (yes, his brother is gay). I understand that he needs him, but I dont think thats a reason to neglect me. I understand not being with him as much as we are used to cause he has to take care of his brother. But tonight is the first night I've stayed over in a week and I feel so neglected. His brother is supposed to move down here in a month or 2. Whats gonna happen then?
His brother is his best friend, and most importantly brother. I could never get in the middle of that. And I don't want to. I sent him a text msg last night that said "I don't want to be more important to you than your brother, I just wanna be a close second". I feel like I'm so far away whenever he comes down here.
He told me yesterday that he wanted me to move in with him, his brother and a friend. I've thought so much about living with him and it thrills me that he was thinking that too. But if I'm gonna be the third wheel between him and his brother's relationship, I don't think I could take it.
Am I just over reacting like I feel I always do or does any of this make any sense to anyone?
Current Mood:  rejected
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April 28th, 2005
08:38 pm
Let me tell you. Homework + drunk = not a good match.
I went into Ale House (restaurant/bar here in Orlando) because I was hungry and wanted some Zingers. They are this boneless chicken strips that I always get with garlic and they are awesome. So I sat at he bar and ordered a Blue Hawaiian (Blue Curacao, Malibu and pineapple juice) while I was waiting. I drank the thing in 5 minutes because the Zingers were done and I wanted to get out of there. I haven't eaten anything all day because for the past 3 days I haven't felt very hungry a all. I don't complain because not eating junk means not gaining weight. and I know some people here who will understand that.
But anyway, needless to say, I got a little buzzed and I went into my college to try to do some on-line homework as I had planned. Because I don't have a phone line at home so I can't connect to the internet. I CANT REMEMBER THE ADDRESS TO THE WEBSITE!!!!!! So I completely waisted my time and it's taking me an extra 5 minutes to type this because I keep hitting the wrong letters in the keyboard. I swear to God, somebody moved the keys on me! Its a conspiracy!!!
It's quite funny actually.
Current Mood:  drunk
Current Music: silence in the computer lab
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April 13th, 2005
11:49 am
So I now have a wrist brace (is that how they are called?). I first hurt my wrist back home during gymnastics and it hasn't bothered me lately. But now with work it's killing me. Bussing and serving, what can I say. Especially with bussing. I'll carry a tray with a tower of glasses and those things are heavy.
But I'm making good money so I can't complain. Yesterday it was $100 after tip out on a dead day! I was so happy. But the bad thing about serving is that you end up so stressed out that everyone will go to the bar after work. And you are walking out with cash, so you know from the get go that part of that money is gone. I need to stop doing that. I would have so much more money saved up.
Speaking of serving, I think everybody should experience serving at some point in their lives. Because leaving me a $3 tip on a $102 check is not right! I'm basically paying for you to eat. I have to tip out 3% for the hosts, bussers and bar (even if you dont get anything from the bar) and trust me, it'll be a lot more than $3. Mind you they were british, and they don't tip. No offense to anyone! But servers get hourly pay over there so I understand that's why they don't tip. But this is the US people! I live off this money. And not only are you gonna leave $3 but you are also gonna tell me "I need silverware, NOW!". Ha! I have 4 tables with 6 people each. That's 24 people that want drinks, silverware, or something with their meal they couldnt tell me while I was taking orders. I'm sorry if it takes me an additional 2 minutes to get you your silverware. You'll get it!
That was last wednesday. But yesterday was the perfect day. Everyone was nice and gave me 20% tips. I only had one table that order 6 desserts that I have to make myself so yeah, its gonna take me a little while. But no, they couldn't wait so they canceled after I did all the desserts. They still left me $25 off $110 check. It was sweet!
But enough about server world, I'm gonna go study.
Current Mood: awake
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April 4th, 2005
11:43 am - guess who...
So the tiny puertorrican decided to come back to livejournal. =) It's been a year, and what a year it has been. I've moved, three times. And got 2 new roommates. I still work at Planet Hollywood but I'm a busser instead of merchandise. I got a second job serving at TGI Fridays. I'm making pretty good money now so I'm finally paying all my debts. Got a boyfriend, and then he left me for another girl. He broke my heart. But I've moved on, I'm me again. I grew up and learned to love and appreciate being single. Overall I cant complain about my life at the moment.
So now I'm sitting in my school library bored out of my mind. Why did I decide to have an hour and a half between classes is beyond me. I said to myself I would use the time to study and do homework. Who was I trying to kid? I'm such a procrastinator. Does anyone know how to stop doing this? Because it even annoys me. I'm sitting here thinking "do your math homework" over and over again but I just can't seem to be able to click the little X on the top corner of Internet Explorer.
1 hour till my next class.
I'll go take a nap.
Current Mood:  tired
Current Music: Usher- Caught Up
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March 5th, 2004
10:39 pm - not everything you want is everything you need
I currently have a sign on the back of my door that says:
Please remember
He doesn't love you anymore.
Not everything you want is everything you need.
I find myself wondering if I really believe it.
I sent Joey a text message saying "I want my key back". Plain and simple. Not even 2 minutes later he called. We talked for about 20 minutes and I explained how I was felling neglected and used, cause he hasn't called me in a week, and that I was tired of his games.
Let me clarify that he's my ex who became my friend with privileges.
Anyway, he then said that he had been moving, working, blah blah blah. I've hear that over and over. But the thing that got to me was that after asking him to be honest with me about his feelings, he finally said that he misses me and that he really enjoys it when I'm with him.
He's never said anything like that. I just don't know if I should keep believing that we don't belong together, or have a little faith.
Neither one of us wants a relationship right now. There's too much going on in our lifes right now. But is it even worth it?
Current Mood:  thoughtful
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March 4th, 2004
09:59 pm - back again
It's been a few months since I've written anything in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) koalaesque. I really want to start writing here more often (seriously!) so I figured that I should start all over in a new journal. And that's how dreamesque was born!
I will write, I promise! =)
Current Mood: tired
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